It’s been a year and a half,
which is ridiculous.
It feels like only last month
I was crouched by your body
in the gutter across the street
from our San Antonio home,
half-collapsed in the bushes there
because I could not
hold myself up against
the strength of my own weeping.
I’m sorry I haven’t
written for you in a while.
I try not to think about you,
because when I do,
I imagine a bumper crashing
into my own forehead,
crumbling my skull inwards
and piercing my very identity—
and that line of thought
is good for no one.
I still dream about you
and think that you’re real—
and when I sleep in my own bed,
e